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Turning Anger into Compassion: How to manage anger when your LO ruins something

Uncategorized May 26, 2019

Welcome back Careblazer, I hope you are doing well!

Today, I want to talk about something that can help turn anger toward your loved one into compassion. If you are like many of the Careblazers I know, then your LOWD has probably done things to drive you crazy, make you upset, maybe even straight up angry. It’s normal, you are human, and it will probably happen again.

What I want to share with you is a way to think about some of those situations differently so that instead of sitting in that anger, festering in that frustration, and ruining your whole day, you can find a way to move forward and make sure things don’t get worse.

If you would rather watch my video on this topic, click here.

Remember how we’ve talked about how your feelings impact your actions and those actions will impact your loved ones behavior. This means that staying upset and angry carries a greater chance of your loved one becoming upset and having more challenging behaviors and the last thing you need if you are already feeling upset is for your loved one to start acting out.

So let’s get right to it. This topic was sparked from a post by a Careblazer in my FB group. In case you don’t know, I have a free FB group where Careblazers support one another and share tip (CLOSED GROUP:Dementia Careblazers Community). This particular Careblazer who cares for his mom had a very special clothing garment that he received from one of his travels to another country. It had special meaning to him and was made of special material. He does an amazing job caring for his mom and as with many caregivers has to hide many things to keep his mom from losing them, ruining them, or throwing them away.

Well one day, he found that this very special item was put through the wash and ruined. This item he kept in his closet, it wasn’t in the laundry basket and he was beside himself with why on earth his mom would take something so dear to him and ruin it.

Now understandably, there are going to be some upset feelings. That’s normal and they are going to happen. Your loved one is going to do something to leads to anger or frustration. Perhaps it’s breaking your favorite dish after you’ve told them over and over to use paper dishes or to leave that dish alone. Maybe it’s putting the left over dinner in the kitchen cupboard for you to find it spoiled the next day.

So while you will get upset, what we don’t want to happen is for you to stay upset. So here’s what I want you to do. Give your loved one the benefit of the doubt. I want you to ask yourself from a place of love, from a place of peace, ask yourself why on earth would my mom (or whoever your loved one with dementia is) do this? Why would she ruin my special shirt? Why would she ruin our leftovers knowing now I have to cook all over again tomorrow? And so on.

It is very likely that your LO did this because they were trying to help. They wanted to contribute. They wanted to do something for you and their good intentions didn’t turn out as planned, it made things more difficult for you.

BUT by thinking your loved one was just trying to help, it can help reduce the angry feelings. You may still feel sad, loss, and a bit upset, but that anger will have difficulty sticking around if you let the compassionate understanding shine through. It has got to be one the hardest things ever to try to give care to someone you are angry at...so find a way to let some of that anger go.

So Careblazer, has your LOWD done anything recently that absolutely made your life harder? Ruined something of yours? Can you try to purposefully think about the chances that your LOWD was simply trying to help, to contribute to feel valuable? I’d love to know your thoughts on this, you can leave them in a comment below.

Also, in case you haven’t heard, I have a Careblazer mini-series of 3 special videos with worksheets focused on some of the most emotionally difficult challenges of being a Careblazer.  If you are feeling overwhelmed, you wish things would change, and want to get my best information in a 3 part video mini series- you can click here and place your order for immediate access. The time to change is now. You can do this.

I’ll be back next week Careblazer.

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