This will stop you from success as a dementia caregiver

Uncategorized Apr 20, 2021

Welcome back, Careblazer.

Today I want to talk to you about a thought that you’re probably having that is keeping you stuck. This thought is preventing you from trying to stop a difficult behavior, figure out why your loved one is having a difficult behavior, figuring out how to respond to a behavior to calm your loved one down. It’s come up in some recent live Q & A’s I’ve done with some of my Care Course members and I want to share it with you here. In fact, I think there are 3 main reasons that are keeping most Careblazers stuck, but today I want to talk about just one. 


“It won’t work” 


Before I do, I have an exciting announcement. I’m doing something I’ve never done before. I’m hosting a 14 day caregiving challenge called how to make caregiving 50% easier. I’m going to be going live, answering your questions, and giving you tools you need to make caregiving easier. I’m also going to be giving away prizes like my careblazer strong mug, amazon giftcards, AND memory lane card decks. Click here to get all the details.- I can’t wait to see what this does for you, Careblazer. 


If you would rather watch a video on this topic, click here.


Okay, so back to this thought that’s keeping you stuck- “It’ won’t work.”

This also sounds like “nothing works” “It’s pointless.” “Why bother.” 

These thoughts all stem from the belief that “I’ve tried everything already” or the thought that “I know my  loved one and how they respond...this won’t work.” 


Here is why that thought is so harmful. When you tell your brain it won’t work, nothing has helped, that you’ve tried everything already, guess what? Your brain will agree with you. You basically shut your brain off from trying to look for alternatives and other ways. Your brain is always going to look for the easy way out. They are hard wired that way. So when you think to yourself, this won’t work. Your brain is like, "sweet, I don’t have to work at this. I’ll just stay comfortable and at ease".

And here’s the absolute craziest part of this whole idea- we are talking about a difficult behavior and how to solve it. And when your brain says, it won’t work, guess what? You are left with a situation where nothing works. Because you stop trying. You stop the approach. And I can promise you, you haven’t tried everything yet. There are unlimited ways we can approach any situation; I’ve talked about that a lot in many of my other posts. But for this post, I just want you to notice and ask yourself, how often are you having this thought that it won’t work? Why bother? You’ve tried everything already. 


Those thoughts will guarantee you more of the same results. And when it comes to difficult behaviors guess what, that is going to be more of a difficult behavior. When you think to yourself nothing will work, you will prove yourself right every time because that thought will not lead to you trying out different behaviors. Why would anyone put effort into trying to solve difficult behaviors if you think it’s not going to lead to anything fruitful. You aren’t. And so by having the thought nothing will work. You are likely not going to be open to new ideas and approaches, and you will continue to prove yourself right that nothing will work. 


I might be giving some tough love here Careblazer, but it’s only because I want you to go through this caregiving journey as smoothly as possible, and preferably with some positive memories to look back on once this journey is over. Facing challenging dementia behaviors- throughout the entire journey is not going to help. And telling yourself nothing will work will ohy guarantee those behaviors continue. I’m not saying this is easy. But I am saying it’s possible. And that possibility starts with you believing it’s possible. 


So before I go, I’ll leave you with some other thoughts you can try on to replace the thought that “this won’t work.’ those thoughts include:

“It’s possible something could work.” 

“I wonder if there is a way to figure this out.” 

“I’m committed to finding a way to make this work.”

“I’m curious if there is a way to make this work.”

“There must be a way to make this work.”

“I can find a way to make this work.”


Notice how these thoughts are so different than “it won’t work”? And these thoughts will start opening up the brain to other possibilities; to start searching for options. They will encourage you to start approaching situations differently- from a place of more optimism knowing it could be possible. 

Careblazer, I hope you can catch yourself having these thoughts when they happen and work on replacing them. You may think that your thoughts don’t make much of a difference. But I want to tell you, they make all the difference. 


Check out my caregiving challenge happening on FB called  how to make caregiving 50% easier. It’s going to be amazing.


I’ll be back next week with another post. If you haven’t already, be sure to download your free Careblazer survival guide here. Have a wonderful week Careblazers!


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