THIS doesn't make you a bad dementia caregiver

Welcome back Careblazer!

I have another short post for you today. It’s about something that I’d bet every single Careblazer in the world experiences, yet hardly anyone in the world will admit it or talk about it. I’ll give you my personal take on this and how you can start thinking about it at the end of this post. Also I have a special challenge at the end if you want to help out another Careblazer. 

If you would rather watch a video on this topic, click here.

Let's get started. I’m talking about your thoughts about caregiving. The thoughts you don’t admit out loud or that you worry make you a bad caregiver. These thoughts might sound like: 

“I wish he would die soon.” 

“She’s ruined my life.” 

“I hate this.”

“I resent having to spend my life caring for him.” 

“This isn’t fair.” 

“Sometimes I feel like I hate her.”

“I feel like running away.”

I’m sure you can come up with some on your own. The thoughts that go through your mind that you push back because it doesn’t serve you any benefit to stay focused on them. Because you have to get back to caregiving. 

I want to say that none of those thoughts make you a bad person. They don’t make you a bad caregiver. They don’t mean anything negative about you except that you’re human. I’d say almost every single Careblazer on the planet who has been in a caregiving role for at least 6 months has had a thought or two or 50 that they don’t really want to admit out loud.  It’s okay.

All it really means is that you’re human. 

I’m a huge fan of focusing on the positive, on what you can control, on how to improve the situation. I think I always will be a fan of that. But that doesn’t mean that this other side doesn’t exist. Just because you try to make the best out of a difficult, challenging, awful situation doesn’t mean that you don’t also acknowledge that there are times where you really don’t like it. I’ve been noticing how no one really talks about that side. When we see a caregiver caring for someone in books or on TV, we may see some emotional pain, but we mostly see their duty, their commitment, and their love. What we don’t see is what’s going on in their mind - ALL of what’s going on in their mind. 

Just in case you’ve never heard it before, I just wanted to record this video to say that having negative thoughts about caregiving doesn’t make you a bad caregiver. 

I hope that you have a safe space to share your thoughts, feelings and concerns without fear of judgement about what others think. I hope you have a place where you can open up and pour out what so many Careblazers are keeping inside on their caregiving journey.  And in case you were afraid that no other amazing Careblazer has the thoughts I”m talking about - no matter how bad they may seem, I want to tell you you are not alone. Most people do. And just to prove this to you, I’m going to ask that any one watching this video who's ever experienced some of the “negative” thoughts about caregiving I’m talking about in this video to just leave a comment or emoji letting other Careblazer know they definitely are not alone. 

And just in case you need a little more evidence to show you are still a loving and caring person even if all your thoughts aren’t loving and caring, I can assure you that no one spending their time watching any of these videos is a bad caregiver. You are amazing. Trust that. 

I’ll be back next week, Careblazer. In the meantime, keep up the great work!

Bye!