How to cope with dementia guilt and sadness

Well hey there. This is the very last Careblazer blog post of 2020, so in this video I wanted to share something that I think every Careblazer, and human being for that matter, should know. I hope  it's something you can keep in mind and bring with you into 2021. I want to talk about something that causes so much emotional pain and suffering and I want to help give you a way to lower that pain. 

So many dementia caregivers tell me about how much grief they feel watching their loved one slip away in front of your eyes.

They tell me about the fatigue and sleepless nights as a result trying to calm their loved one down in the middle of the night.

They talk to me about the guilt of not being able to keep their loved ones at home, or the frustration of not having any other family members who are willing to help out.

There are no shortage of reasons that contribute to you feeling the pain of those situations. 

BUT, the thing that adds so much more pain on top of all those very real and difficult situations, is the expectation or thought that you shouldn’t be feeling any of that pain. The thought that you should feel good all the time. 

Here’s the truth, trying to feel good all the time usually just leads to you feeling bad. It’s not possible to feel good all the time. And the truth of the matter is that you probably don’t want to feel good all the time. If you want to feel good all the time, you’d have to feel good about all the awful and horrible things in the world like famine, and rape, and murder, and loved ones with dementia. 

When you allow room for yourself to grieve and feel the sadness for some of the things in the world and for things in your life, it takes a layer of pressure off. It’s hard enough to feel sad about watching your loved one slip away in front of your eyes. It’s even harder to feel bad and down on yourself for feeling sad about your loved one slipping away. 

It seems like wanting to feel good all the time is a good thing. It sounds so lovely and nice. But in reality that thought leads to feeling more down and frustrated because it’s just not possible. We are human beings, not robots, and that means we will experience the broad range of emotions that come along in the human experience. Some of those feelings may rise to the level of needing professional help in the form of counseling or therapy. But sometimes, it just rises to the level of being human and feeling the discomfort of that emotion.

So as you go into the new year, I want you to keep this mind. Do NOT get down on yourself for feeling down. Do NOT get down on yourself for feeling grief. Do NOT hold the expectation that you are supposed to feel good all the time. That usually just makes things much worse. 

If you want to watch my video on this topic, you can click here.

Careblazer, I’m gearing up for an exciting new year of Careblazers TV. I’ve got some exciting new topics to share. Let me know what you think about this concept of trying to feel good all the time by leaving me a comment. I’ll be back next week- the first week of 2021 with a new video. Oh, and this is your last chance to grab my mini-booster series for 20% off. The offer ends in a few days. Click here for the link.